I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my shit smells like andre
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
