I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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