I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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