dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize