omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
