Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
