I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
