wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
