Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
