I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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