# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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