3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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