I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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