why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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