Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
