He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
