A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
