Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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