Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
