would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
