I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
