So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
