shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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