someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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