just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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