I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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