dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
