Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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