So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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