I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Farmville is her only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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