I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
