Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
