Betty ford says i'm here all night
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
