He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
