PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
