Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
