My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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