Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
