Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize