He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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