Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
