That's intense
I think I won the penis lottery.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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