youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
