Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sorry my hands just texted you
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
