I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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