Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
