dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
