I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
