remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
