OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
