woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
