I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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