I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
