Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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