I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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