I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
