Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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