i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
