somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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