i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
