im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
