This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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