so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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