Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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