If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
