3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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