Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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