Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
