i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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