Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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