dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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