hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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